October 17, 2005

Chandler Just Asked for a Hug

I had a crappy morning, dragging both boys through the rain to try to get stuff done and nothing was working and the boys were whining. I didn't buy them a treat at the store and Chandler cried from the check out line until 10 minutes after we got home. By then we were all miserable, and I was soaked and frustrated and close to loosing it. One of those sucky mornings when you just want to go back to bed.

I threw lunch at the boys and put the tv on so they would leave me alone for a minute and I could collect my self.

After about 15 minutes, Chandler came over to me and grabbed my hand, looking no where in particular, saying 'i wanna... i wanna..." I was annoyed because I just wanted to finish eating lunch before I had to get up.

He was pulling on both my hands, so I assumed he wanted me to get up do something for him. I didn't because I just didn't wanna. I asked him directly, "What do you want Chandler".

Then he surprised me by answering, "hug".

I have never heard that word out of him before, and didn't think I heard him right until he took my hands and put them behind his back and put his arms around me. I gave him a big hug, but at that point I still was not sure that he was really asking for or giving me a hug, because it was just so out of place.

I expected him to then pull me up to get him something, or ask for something else. But when he was done hugging me he ran off and played.

It was so perfectly timed and I needed it so much, but even writing this, I have a hard time trusting that it really happened the way I think it did, which just depresses me more, because why should I not just be able to enjoy the first time my son sought me out just because he wanted a hug from me and nothing more?


Wade Rankin said...

I have decided that having a child on the spectrum is a gift, because we get to celebrate little things each day that other parents take for granted. Celebrate this one, Ginger.

Ginger Taylor said...

I know I need to. I am mad at myself for not celebrating.

I think that his unconsolable crying today really got to me. It happens so infrequently now that when it does, it gets to me more easily than it used to.

I mean, he is a child right? He is going to have bad days just because he is human. I forget that those days are a part of motherhood for everyone.

I need to get a grip.

Anonymous said...

oh my, Ginger! i love that story! i think you will celebrate that moment once it has sunk in. it was a biggie! so huge of Chandler to seek you out, to want to give you this gift, this hug, because he knew you needed it, because he just wanted mommy to feel better, because he knew it would make him feel better to. somewhere, he knew.