I thought I would share what we did for Chandler for his 3rd birthday this year. We had a tiny party for him, just family and two little girls who really like him with only one parent to accompany them. That way the focus could be on him just in case he decided to engage with us during the "party".
I put my expectations aside, only opened one present (I did it with his hands and as soon as he saw the Thomas train inside he finished up), ate cake and that was it. He seemed to enjoy it, or at least he enjoyed the cake and the train and didn't get upset by a big crowd or go off and play by himself. That is probably the best we could hope for at this stage.
I also sent out an evite to "Chandler's Birthday Unparty" to the rest of our friends. It read:
From: Scott & Ginger Taylor
When: Friday, March 11, 11:59pm
Help us celebrate Chandler's 3rd birthday with a Birthday UnParty!
As many of you know, our quiet little guy tends to get lost at big parties, so we have decided to have a tiny little family birthday party for him this year. That way the spotlight can stay on him.
While that precludes us from inviting you to the usual "big party with all our friends", we would like to join us in a Birthday UnParty. We request that on Friday, March 11, you take some time during your day and pray for our special little guy and maybe talk to your little ones about him and what a sweet boy he is. Just have a little extra love for him in your hearts that day.
We thank you in joining us in our special observance of his special day.
We got a lot of really nice responses and it was great to have the extra encouragement. It made me feel good to know that even though we couldn't have the party we wanted to, that our friends were celebrating him anyway.