April 17, 2014

I Refuse To Be Enlisted Into The "Mommy Wars"

So the attack on vaccine resistant parents in the media this "autism awareness month" has been nothing like any of us has ever seen before.  Even Paul Offit has taken a departure from his oh so laid back and wise doctor act to get nasty on us.  Pharma needs not only for parents to be ok with the current recommended schedule, but to be open to the open ended vaccine schedule that will include the 200 or so vaccines they have in their development pipeline.  They do not want to come to terms with the fact that their market has reached it saturation point and it is all downhill from here for their vaccine profits.

So because they could not sell us, and because they could not bully us, they have now taken the tack of getting us to bully us.  As Meghan at LivingWhole.org so succinctly put it in her piece The Hate Debate, "...whether or not we vaccinate is now part of the “Mommy Wars.”  Setting mother against mother, to bully them into violating their evolutionary and God given instincts on how to protect their child, to do what Pharma says instead.
" As if mothers didn’t have enough things to be divided over, you’ve made it so that wherever we go be it daycares, schools, or playgroups we are ridiculed, judged, shunned, and our children as a whole are blamed for the re-emergence of diseases that never left and for spreading diseases they’ve never had. You made this a “Mommy War” issue when you somehow insinuated that a woman isn’t a good mother unless she vaccinates her child. You made this a mommy issue when I had to kneel down and explain to my three-year-old child why she was being discriminated against. You made this a mommy issue when you supported and promoted the following hateful belief system:

 “[On the topic of vaccines.] We owe it to our children–all of our children–to speak out against this dangerous and misguided parenting choice before more are infected with horrifying diseases that were extinguished decades ago. Choosing not to vaccinate is not yet another anodyne trend in personal parenting. It’s not a quirk; it’s a menace—and a growing one at that.” – Bethany via the Federalist Papers

 You know what makes a good mother, one who actually educates herself, questions what is put into her child’s body and makes an informed decision (whether she chooses to vaccinate or not). Call me a menace, call me a misguided parent, and blame me for spreading “horrifying diseases” that are actually neither horrifying nor extinguished. If it makes you feel better to fuel fire and spread hate than by all means proceed, as it doesn’t make your side of the movement look very good. I will neither hate nor discriminate against a mother’s decision on the issue of vaccination. No, I will not be part of the hate debate."

So I am here to say that I refuse to participate in the "Mommy Wars."  It would be very easy for me to judge parents who are not treating their child's "autism" medically, but I have no right.  Just as no one else has the right to judge me for my vaccine decisions.  

So if you see a child being physically abused by their parents, or cases of neglect where they are not being fed, clothed, housed and placed under the care of a health care provider, then please call child protective services and express your concern.  But if you just don't agree with a parents medical choices, especially because some crap mass media outlet dripping in pharma ads has tried to turn you into the vaccine patrol, time to take a deep breath, deprogram yourself, and stand down.

I support autism families who choose not to do biomed.  It is hard for me, it is not my choice, it is not what I want for their children, but I KNOW that it is not my decision to make for that child.  It is theirs.  And I have NO INTENTION on making their life harder, or even making them feel pressured, to do something that they are not comfortable with. 

I am horrified that any mother could write the things that I am seeing online to the effect of, "if they don't vaccinate they should have their kids taken away from them."  That is just flat out evil.  How any mother could wish that on another is horrifying.  I started my career in child protective services as a case worker, and even the abusive and neglectful parents... I was still rooting for them to get their crap together and be able to parent their children again.  It only happened in one of my cases in two years, but it still makes my cry when I think about that mother who was able to step up and be there for her daughter again.

I don't ever want to see a family ripped apart because of their medical choices.  And I don't want to make people feel bad for their earnest decisions.

With other autism moms, I listen like a friend, if I have something that might help them with what they are struggling with, I usually say something like, "I know of some new medical interventions that might help with his aggression/tummy trouble/attentional issues/etc, so lemme know if you are interested in exploring any of them," and then I leave it at that.  And if they never bring anything up, I don't either.  If they don't want to talk about their aggressive vaccine choioces, then I don't either.  And I support them in their parenting.

Are you a mommy?  Then I support you and want you to have the best chance at raising your little ones that you know better than anyone. 

I am not going to participate in the "Mommy Wars."



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